Monday, January 30, 2012

10 Ways in Which I Am a Nerd

1) I think Isaac Newton is more interesting than anyone on reality television 

To be fair, I’ve never actually seen “Teen Mom” or “Jersey Shore,” and I haven’t seen a minute of “The Bachelor” in years.  However, nothing I’ve heard or read about these (and many other) shows sounds remotely appealing.  A cantankerous genius who spent 18 months in a barn avoiding the plague and changing the face of science?  You have my attention.

2) “Seaquest DSV”

Sure, it’s easy to love “Star (fillintheblank)” or “Lord of the Rings,” but I know of other nerds who won’t even dare to touch “Seaquest.”  My friend A and I were so obsessed with the show that we spent a lot of our down time composing storylines in which we could insert ourselves.  I was horrified when I first saw the episode that dare reveal “my” storyline without me.  To this day, I still think Ted Raimi is neat.

3) I can quote “Mystery Science Theater 3000” like nobody’s business

There are days when I eat, sleep, and breathe this 90s Midwest puppet show.  And I’m a howitzer of quotations.  Remember, kids: the good die first.  (Most people are morally ambiguous, which explains our random dying patterns.)

4) I had not one but two birthday parties with a “Mystery Science” theme

The first one, “Sweet Sixteen Down in Deep 13,” was lame.  Two years later I dressed as Pearl Forrester and all was smashing.

5) I once dressed as Spock for Halloween


6) I recycled my Spock ears for a theatrical showing of “Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back”  

 I painted my ears green, and rubbed glitter gel on them to represent the Force.

 7) Dinosaurs

 Once upon a time, I could identify and name dozens of dinosaurs.  I admit to being rusty on that now, but I’m still irked whenever I see or hear “brontosaurus.”  (For the love of Pete, there’s no such thing as a brontosaurus!)  And I geek in museums that have fossil displays.  I need a bib when I visit the National Museum of Natural History.

 8) The classic nerd wardrobe

 Glasses and braces.  I had ‘em.  I also wore Winnie-the-Pooh shirts with great frequency.  This does not represent nerdiness directly, but if you think that Pooh shirts = a lack of willingness to let childhood go = social awkwardness, then yeah, the t-shirts are nerdy.

 9) I correct things I perceive to be incorrect

 For one drama club performance, I played a snotty know-it-all kid who debunked a magician’s illusion.  It was a creative work of nonfiction.  I’m obnoxious in my (often unrealized) attempts to make the world factually sound.  Because evidently, I think I know everything.  (For the love of Pete, there’s no such thing as a brontosaurus!) 

 10) I make lists.  Lots of ‘em

I’m capable of improvising.  With effort, I’m capable of going with the flow.  But my world is best contained in the most anal-retentive of ways.  I can make a list about most anything.  Sorting everything into pleasing compartments—such as lists—is an obsession.  And what is nerdiness without a little obsession—be it a tv show, a branch of history, or a wardrobe?

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